A beautiful prayer. It is a gift to wrestle into words what moves our spirits. Since you asked for feedback, I would look at the phrasing of the 4th line. It reads more awkwardly than the rest. It is hard not to rearrange syntax to get that rhyme lined up. Another consideration might be the fire imagery. After asking the Spirit to kindle his fire, why does the final couplet ask him to quench it?
Thank you, Abigail, for reading and for taking the time to leave such a generous and thoughtful comment. It’s just the sort of feedback I had hoped for. I will consider what you’ve said about line 4 and will experiment to see if I can discover any way to recast it.
I’d rather not fully answer your last question publicly. I will say that the jarring juxtaposition of “kindle” and “quench” is something I intended. But whether I accomplished what I intended is another question entirely. Now that my little poem has gone out into the world on its own, I am not going to rush to its aid with authorial exposition whenever it may seem to falter. It must do battle and make music by its own strength and art. (Though it may, at some point, need to return home for some physical therapy or additional voice lessons.) The point, after all, was to condense what I could have otherwise tried to say, not just to give myself a convenient excuse to try to say it.
Still, because I would love to hear more from you about this last if you are willing, I may send you a quick DM in a few days.
I look forward to like comments in the future if you are ever in the neighborhood again.
I just got it! I think I was praying for my boys to hunger and thirst for righteousness and the other use of “quench” clicked into place! I wonder how you might aid the reader in making that transition by making a bridge with the imagery? I look forward to seeing how your poem resolves in revision.
I am pleased that you picked up on the other meaning of “quench,” and I am especially pleased to hear of the circumstances of your realization.
But, Oh boy! Your eagerness to see how my revision pans out really puts the pressure on. I feel I should warn you that what I regard as my first two mature poems (“My Friend's Headlamp” and the one for this upcoming weekend) required over a decade of forgotten metamorphic sleep before awakening to their present forms. I don't think this one will take that long; but its present form is now deeply lodged in my psyche, so it may still take quite a while.
In the meantime, Kate Bluett's latest images the wind and fire elements of the Spirit’s work with art far beyond my own.
No pressure at all to revise. I’m revising three poems today that have been in various stages for the last two decades. One of them I wrote when I was pregnant with my son who is now sixteen! Revision takes a long time sometimes. I love Kate’s poem. She is one of my favorite Substack poets.
Early human cultures worshipped wind gods and cloud nymphs. There were spirits associated with dawn and dusk and rainbows, and deities responsible for thunder in the night. The presence of the sky, in other words, was obvious; almost every ancient culture included air among the four key elements, alongside fire and water and earth. - Boyce Upholt
You've earned yourself a “secret draft link” to a poem I won't be sharing for quite a while with that one. Watch for a DM. BTW, where can I find this passage?
A beautiful prayer. It is a gift to wrestle into words what moves our spirits. Since you asked for feedback, I would look at the phrasing of the 4th line. It reads more awkwardly than the rest. It is hard not to rearrange syntax to get that rhyme lined up. Another consideration might be the fire imagery. After asking the Spirit to kindle his fire, why does the final couplet ask him to quench it?
Thank you, Abigail, for reading and for taking the time to leave such a generous and thoughtful comment. It’s just the sort of feedback I had hoped for. I will consider what you’ve said about line 4 and will experiment to see if I can discover any way to recast it.
I’d rather not fully answer your last question publicly. I will say that the jarring juxtaposition of “kindle” and “quench” is something I intended. But whether I accomplished what I intended is another question entirely. Now that my little poem has gone out into the world on its own, I am not going to rush to its aid with authorial exposition whenever it may seem to falter. It must do battle and make music by its own strength and art. (Though it may, at some point, need to return home for some physical therapy or additional voice lessons.) The point, after all, was to condense what I could have otherwise tried to say, not just to give myself a convenient excuse to try to say it.
Still, because I would love to hear more from you about this last if you are willing, I may send you a quick DM in a few days.
I look forward to like comments in the future if you are ever in the neighborhood again.
I just got it! I think I was praying for my boys to hunger and thirst for righteousness and the other use of “quench” clicked into place! I wonder how you might aid the reader in making that transition by making a bridge with the imagery? I look forward to seeing how your poem resolves in revision.
I am pleased that you picked up on the other meaning of “quench,” and I am especially pleased to hear of the circumstances of your realization.
But, Oh boy! Your eagerness to see how my revision pans out really puts the pressure on. I feel I should warn you that what I regard as my first two mature poems (“My Friend's Headlamp” and the one for this upcoming weekend) required over a decade of forgotten metamorphic sleep before awakening to their present forms. I don't think this one will take that long; but its present form is now deeply lodged in my psyche, so it may still take quite a while.
In the meantime, Kate Bluett's latest images the wind and fire elements of the Spirit’s work with art far beyond my own.
https://katebluett.substack.com/p/pentecost-2026
Thanks for the shout-out!
I think the fourth line could be something like, "From storm and tempest, come defend" to smoothe it out.
Thanks! That's an excellent starting point. I'll have to chew on it.
No pressure at all to revise. I’m revising three poems today that have been in various stages for the last two decades. One of them I wrote when I was pregnant with my son who is now sixteen! Revision takes a long time sometimes. I love Kate’s poem. She is one of my favorite Substack poets.
Early human cultures worshipped wind gods and cloud nymphs. There were spirits associated with dawn and dusk and rainbows, and deities responsible for thunder in the night. The presence of the sky, in other words, was obvious; almost every ancient culture included air among the four key elements, alongside fire and water and earth. - Boyce Upholt
You've earned yourself a “secret draft link” to a poem I won't be sharing for quite a while with that one. Watch for a DM. BTW, where can I find this passage?
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1rIEnPp2Du9MGwslV8SRPO?si=6b2457ab8a514517